Rottweiler Owners Manual.

THE ESSENTIAL
ROTTWIELER OWNER’S CONTRACT

I do hereby swear that I/we will abide by all the terms & conditions specified below.

Upon signing this contract I fully understand that all my Rottweilers dreams will be realized for ever more, and they shall assume their rightful position as the center of the universe, leaving me as a mere human slave.

GENERAL CONDITIONS
• My Rottweiler’s desires are always paramount. My Rottweilers wish is my command.
• GIVE, SHUT UP and LEAVE IT are all useless requests, so I will stop using them.
• I will not yell at my Rottweiler for slobbering everywhere after drinking, then chase him around the house with a “drool towel.”
• I will not abandon my Rottweiler for trivial reasons like “going to work”.
• I will not yell at my Rottweiler for creating “chew toys” from objects they find laying around which I should have picked up.
• I will try much harder to understand my Rottweilers language.
• If people were warned I might nip them if approached unexpectedly/had my space invaded, it is then on their head if I ever do. They should have left me alone.
• I will never go socializing with other canines without my Rottweiler.
• I will not laugh at my Rottweiler for being confused over not being able to find the lump of ice he buried earlier in the day.
EXERCISE REQUIREMENTS AND DOGGY SOCIALIZATION
• I will not chase my Rottweiler around yelling HERE! when he is busy socializing.
• I will not complain my arm is tired after only throwing the ball 50 times.
• I will not confuse my Rottweiler by throwing snowballs for him to fetch.
• I will not drag my Rottweiler from interesting sniffing spots during our walkies.
• I will not hide or place my Rottweiler’s ball in a place where I know he couldn’t possibly retrieve it from and then ask him to go and get it.
• I will drop whatever I am doing and take my Rottweiler out as soon as he asks me to.
• A little rain and a cool breeze is no excuse for not walking my Rottie.
NUTRITION AND GROOMING
• I will not run out of treats. Ever!
• I will always carry around cookies & treats and will instruct all my friends to do likewise.
• I will never eat anything until my Rottweiler has tasted what I have and approved it for me.
• I will share everything I eat with my Rottweiler.
• I shall take my Rottie to the Dog salon as often is is neccesary to be pampered and preened.
AROUND THE HOUSE
• I will not sneak around the patio, wearing funny clothes and a face mask, to test whether my Rottweiler is a good watchdog.
• I will not yell at my Rottweiler to “HURRY UP” when he’s just looking for the right spot to take care of business.
• Once he has found an acceptable spot, I will not stare while my Rottweiler is doing his business.
• I will open the back door as soon as my Rottweiler sits by it.
• I will never again leave my Rottweiler at home if I intend to go driving in the car.
CATS
• I will not bring home anymore cats.
• I will get rid of all those cats we currently own.
• I will protect my Rottweiler from all obnoxious little human things at all times.
• I will not have another one of those obnoxious little human things.

THE CHRISTMAS SEASON
I will not make my Rottie wear silly looking antlers or red Santa hats.
I will not make my Rottweiler pose for pictures with some fat stranger in a red suit.
I will not tie leftover ribbons, tinsel and bows all over my Rottweiler and call it “Christmas Spirit”.
I will accept that my Rottweiler shall play with the green tree covered in shiny ball-like ornaments.
I will remember to stuff a stocking and buy several presents for my Rottie.

Signed: (Owner)