i’m fed up …

[Mudgie]

you are doing good claire – your posts are calmer  :gum: you are less of a piglet  >:D  :suspious:

[Anonymous]

do you know – i earned that nickname from the monty python films … i’mm leave those of you who have watched them to go figure . . .  :surprise:

the seminar was a huge deal in good ways and bad – off for a rest, just had the most crammed lecture on health behaviour model and theory of reasoned/planned behaviour – think my brain is leaking !

claire x

[Mudgie]

doctor piglet  ;D

[Anonymous]

hehe me –  :whistle:

i wish there was somewhere that we could all go as a family like with a self-contained bit and communal parts too so that i got more support when steve isnt here.  most of my anxiety now comes from being left on my own with Harry, if i’m feeling well we do ok, if not i spend the day and days after sick with guilt which totally disables me.  i want someone around who can enjoy my dog walks with me i feel much more motivated to go if theres someone to share them with otherwise i do worry about us all sometimes. 

with working aswell and doing most of the cooking / cleaning / washing / ironing etc… steve and i rarely have any time together and i feel guilty that i cant help more all the time.  when harry goes to the childminders so that i can go to uni i feel guilty when i just chill and have a rest, i cant relax my insides are just having this constant argument that i should be making good use of the time as its time i’m giving up with my baby that i’ll never get back.  i wonder if i am being too selfish carrying on with uni even though i would be totally lost without it.  sometimes i miss Harry but i also know if he was here it wouldnt be long before i was snapping at him because i’m fed up of reading stories and having to make play doh biscuits and doing flipping maisey jigsaws lol !!

i wish there were more children here so harry could have them to play with but i couldnt possibly look after them and i dont want any more of my own!  no-one wants to come because wills and bonnie bark and thats the crime of the centuary if you’re parent to a toddler these days.  if i do invite people i get soo anxious and stressed trying to cope with Harry and keep the dogs happy its totally draining and if anyone comes round i dont want them to leave again.

i just feel sad inside i hate having no friends who like coming here (except ones that live miles away) i just need some more people and kids here to look after me and harry.  why isnt there anywhere we can all go that will understand and look after me and harry and the dogs?

Claire.

[SuzAndTheDiva]

Chin up Claire – it will get worse in a few weeks – you will have Honey to contend with  😉  ;D

If you need to talk you know where i am – can always text me will always answer soon as i stop torturing grooming dogs  😉  :-*

CLaire is there no doggy people cloae by you at all that will want to come round – must be someone somewhere? with dogs and kids i mean?

[Anonymous]

hi,

i used to have a doggie friend but since the dog she was looking after attacked bonnie she’s gone all pathetic refusing all communication with me and spreading lies about me to anyone who will listen.  i used to have another doggie friend but she has also decided not to talk to me after convincing herself that i have something against particular cultures which i dont.  i used to have a doggie friend with a lad harry’s age but she moved about 15mins further away and stopped talking to me i dont know why.  the other friend i had with a dog i told her to put it down and went with her now she’s not got a dog and because of other stuff has now fell out with me anyway.

i dunno anyone who would want to come here, come for a walk with us all or anything. 

claire.

[TobyTeaCosy and Angela]

Well Claire, if I were near you and not in Newcastle I sure as hell would love to see you, Harry and Wills dog and Bonnie, don’t let that put you off, aint nothing wrong with you lovely bunch!  So glad you’re enjoying uni, its a great thing to be doing something for you, don’t feel guilty, you’re doing your family proud!

I also find it very hard to make friends, it takes me a while to be open with people which has been interpreted as snobbishness or me being stuck-up, this isn’t the case, it takes me a while to get to know someone!

When you do go out with your little family talk to other dog owners, having a common interest has introduced me to more neighbours than without Toby, talking to one neighbour about BARF made me feel great as I had some knowledge to impart too, you should definately head down to the park when you feel up to it, maybe just with Harry, talk to other mums and dads, you’re sure to find another dog lover out there and don’t be afraid to make the first move with people, I took a leap of faith inviting a girl from work round for a cuppa, she turned out to be lonely despite being very confident and popular at work, now we are firm friends, don’t fear rejection, they’re not worth your time or effort if they are fickle.  Chin up girl, us lot’ll help you through the winter, what better to do eh?!

[*Lassie*]

why isnt there anywhere we can all go that will understand and look after me and harry and the dogs?[quote author=piglet link=topic=12706.msg245550#msg245550 date=1224191628]
hi,

i used to have a doggie friend but since the dog she was looking after attacked bonnie she’s gone all pathetic refusing all communication with me and spreading lies about me to anyone who will listen.  i used to have another doggie friend but she has also decided not to talk to me after convincing herself that i have something against particular cultures which i dont.  i used to have a doggie friend with a lad harry’s age but she moved about 15mins further away and stopped talking to me i dont know why.  the other friend i had with a dog i told her to put it down and went with her now she’s not got a dog and because of other stuff has now fell out with me anyway.

i dunno anyone who would want to come here, come for a walk with us all or anything. 

claire.
[/quote]

Claire how about being thankful for what you have got?
a loving partner and beautiful son, two great dogs. You have a nice home a new car and the chance to have a uni education, physically you are healthy but you will frighten friends away if you come across as needy all the time.
People are friends because they enjoy the same things as you. They want to laugh and joke and forget their own problems for a while not spend their time trying to take care of you and you can say some very spiteful things sometimes without thinking or considering the facts.

OK you have depression  and it feels like you will never claw your way out of it but you won’t if you are always thinking ‘poor me’, I had post natal depression after my son was born, I nearly died having him and my OH shut himself away from me because he couldn’t cope. My son had colic and cried  every night, all night for 4 months and I came very close to going to sleep never to wake up.

I got through it, so can you.
Find something, anything you can focus on but not yourself. Something you would like to teach Harry or something you want to do with the dogs, it doesn’t matter what but use all your energy on that one thing and I promise things will get better.

[Izzie]

[quote author=piglet link=topic=12706.msg245550#msg245550 date=1224191628]
hi,

i used to have a doggie friend but since the dog she was looking after attacked bonnie she’s gone all pathetic refusing all communication with me and spreading lies about me to anyone who will listen.  i used to have another doggie friend but she has also decided not to talk to me after convincing herself that i have something against particular cultures which i dont.  i used to have a doggie friend with a lad harry’s age but she moved about 15mins further away and stopped talking to me i dont know why.  the other friend i had with a dog i told her to put it down and went with her now she’s not got a dog and because of other stuff has now fell out with me anyway.

i dunno anyone who would want to come here, come for a walk with us all or anything. 

claire.
[/quote]

I would Claire and you know that :). I just dont have any kids.

You did good at the weekend and it was tough, but you did it and you did well!

You know where I am if you want to chat

xx

[vinya12]

I know how you feel hun, I am 36 now but when I was 20 I had a baby and two dogs. I ,like you felt lonely and guilty
Years later and I have learned that feeling guilty and having kids go hand in hand.I still feel guilty and my daughter is 15 years old. I still feel like I don’t do enough for her. So don’t worry about the guilt , just keep telling your self its OK, every one feels like this, and its part of being a mum.  As for being lonely, I remember that to, and I still don’t have any real friends, but I like it that way.I have people I talk to and that’s fine, but I learnt to enjoy my own company, and my dogs and the cat lol. Don’t worry about what people think, I had a lot of bad comments about having two German shepherds and a baby. But it was my life and that was what I wanted,  don’t worry about putting your kid with child minders, find a nursery with other kids he can play with, when kids are playing they don’t care if you are not there. its better for your kid to be having fun else were than seeing you getting stressed. Just make the times he is with you special ,take him and the dogs for a short walk, go home have a nice supper together and then to bed, you sit with a glass of wine and try and chill in the evenings.. just remember life moves on very quickly and soon you will be wondering were all the kids have come from when you kid invites them home from school and were they all went when they all go out to play leaving you with nothing to do lol. And you will be surprised how many friends you make as your kid grows up, ok most will be your kids friends lol but hay , its still nice to chat to them .

[Mudgie]

Whilst I totally emphathise with everything who has a mental illness because I had a breakdown complete breakdown at the beginning of this year – a pity party is not going to solve anything – believe me I know had a pity party for 30 years of my life. 

Go to your doctor and demand cognitive therapy.  Demand it – it is your right – demand counselling.  Mental illness isnt something to take lightly.  If you had diabetes you would be demanding insulin.  If you had kidney failure you would demand dialysis – go get the help you need – get specialist help – moaning will only feed the fire.  You dont need to suffer from mental illness you need to learn how to cope with it for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

well said mudgie 😀

i could go to the doctor but i find even making an appointment is ultra stressful because you have to call at 8am and i’m not alive then !  call again and again until the bloody line is free and then all the appointments are gone … is it an emergency – not really, and even if i did get there and bugger about asking for therapy there’ll be a wait … a very long one as they made most of the psychologists in our CMHT redundant a couple of years ago even if you do get an appointment in another 12-18mths time you have to commit to same time same place and i just cant do that.

i have direct access to secondary care but that’ll be psychiatric care and doubtless be some bloody F2 / SHO who is younger than i am and looks in a book for what to do.

CBT just boils down to giving power back to the patient that doctors take away – i dont have my power taken away, and i dont need some young muppet of a psychologist telling me i cant use SHOULD OUGHT or MUST  ::)

Claire.

p.s. goals – i would like to do something to socialise with the dogs, trouble is as you know because i keep on saying all the classes are sh*te around here – if dogloverwoo is working with who i think she is – these are the only classes i would reccommend within miles of here and i cannot physically get there in time for them as they are about 45mins away.

p.p.s. i do take Harry to the park but there is rarely anyone else there.  if there are dog people seem terrified their dog might eat Harry or if they are children people they think bonnie and wills are going to snak on their kids leg or something.  even when i go to the busiest park which i hate because thats where bonnie was attacked no-one stops and talks its just what its like in Northampton.

[Mudgie]

So get on the waiting list – who knows where you will be in your life in 12 months – if you dont address this you may not have a choice in 12 months.  You need to be healthy to look after your child.  And why cant you commit to a time and place – you need to Claire – I had to take 6 weeks out of my life to address this.  Why ?  because I didnt have a choice.  I had to – the choice was taken from me.

You arent stupid – far from it.  Stop treating the symptoms and treat the cause.  And get your own head in the right books and sort it if you dont feel others can.

So you have direct access to care but arent willing to even see if it can help  :boooo: and a decent psychologist never uses SHOULD, OUGHT or MUST – take a chance you might actually get better – or is that an even scarier prospect cos then you wouldnt have any safety behaviours and you might actually have to delve to dark places to sort your head out  :yes:

[vinya12]

have you thought about going to Ring craft.? you don’t need a pedigree dog even though most  are ,and you can train for fun shows. I go once a week . its held in a hall. you can just sit and watch or join in. all that happens is, you cue in a line with your dog, and when its your turn you stand your dog as nice as you can for the trainer , the trainer looks the dog over and then you trot the dog round the room and back to the trainer, then its the next persons turn. you get to meet lots of other dogs and people and hear about there problems and there dogs problems lol and you get to work with your dog witch is great. you could then go to fun shows and show off your hard work.  :ok:

[travis]

Hope you feel better soon Claire,you know you will get through this,you have done it before,I felt really guilty when Niamh went to school,I didn’t feel I had the right to have time to myself :-*

[Author]

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