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Christmas With Louise

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    Christmas With Louise
    As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
    fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to
    them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true
    because every Christmas morning, although Jay’s kids’ stockings
    overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
    One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses
    went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don’t sell those
    at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
    If you’ve never been in an X-rated store, don’t go. You’ll only
    yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, “What does this do?”
    “You’re kidding me!” “Who would buy that?” Finally, I made it to the
    inflatable doll section.
    I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also
    substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool
    during rush hour.
    Finding what I wanted was difficult. “Love Dolls” come in many
    models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could
    things I’d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for
    “Lovable Louise.” She was at the bottom of the price scale.
    To call Louise a “doll” took a huge leap of imagination.
    On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise
    to life.
    My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee
    hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling
    pantyhose with Louise’s pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some
    and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went
    home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
    The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his
    house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left
    dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and
    bark some more.
    We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest
    the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional
    Christmas dinner.

    My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the
    door. “What
    the hell is that?” she asked.
    My brother quickly explained, “It’s a doll.”
    “Who would play with something like that?” Granny snapped.
    I kept my mouth shut.
    “Where are her clothes?” Granny continued.
    “Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,” Jay said, to steer her
    dining room.
    But Granny was relentless. “Why doesn’t she have any teeth?”
    Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and
    one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, “Hang on
    hang on!”
    My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to
    and said, ” Hey, who’s the naked gal by the fireplace?”
    I told him she was Jay’s friend. A few minutes later I noticed
    by the mantel, talking to Louise.
    Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized
    this might be Grandpa’s last Christmas at home.
    The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had
    who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a
    noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched
    from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in
    of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my
    and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began
    administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
    My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
    Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the
    It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
    Later in my brother’s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to
    decide the cause of Louise’s collapse. We discovered that Louise had
    suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
    Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored
    to perfect health.
    I can’t wait until next Christmas!


    😀 😀


    Brilliant ;D ;D ;D


    😀 😀 😀 😀 ;D


    I giggled the whole way through that – dont ask me why just struck me as rather funny  😀  😀

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